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CAN I HAVE IT ALL? MUST I HAVE IT ALL? an ongoing discussion…

I’m standing in a room full of mid to late 30 something year olds, the women are scouting the men like they are brand new Louboutins and the men are looking at them like “mmm you can be my new flavour of the month”… As a woman this is disheartening, I’m looking at these folks like in five to six years this will be me and if this is what i have to look forward to I might as well give up now. Looking around i started to notice these women where beautiful, successful, intelligent and charming,  but had an almost sad and quite desperation in their eyes. That desire to become someone’s wife, lover and best friend was evident and i felt as though the men feed of it and used it to their advantage.

This has me wondering as women can we really have it all? When we make an intentionally or unintentionally decision to pursue our careers or when we just decided to wait to have children, the question is, is it really worth it? Yes there is a sense of self-worth and great accomplishment that comes along with being independent. There is also the dying belief that life for a woman must be as bland as you go to school get a degree, find a man get married have some babies raise them, then feel content and fulfilled that you’ve produced functioning adults…. I read somewhere that there are more single 30-year-old women today than at any point in the last 60 years, women have become more concerned with living and leading financially successful lives than being house wife’s at the age of 20. Women are spending time establishing themselves in their careers before tying the knot, I believe this steams from seeing the plight of some of our mothers, when there was a breakdown in their marriage. We want to be able to stand on our own two feet and be independent enough to jump back on our pedestal if “shit hits the fan” so to speak. There is that need to be self-sufficient and financially capable before engaging in a serious relationship. Is our lack of faith in our men pushing us to seek monetary fulfillment? (This is a whole other topic) 

In-spite of all the great experiences we get, what do we really give up when we choose having a social life, travel, careers and accomplishing great feats while we are young. it seems unfair that because a woman makes the choice to chase a more eventful life her options become limited in that her picking of the good crop (men) become very limited. It is a sad truth that in today’s world once a woman hits a certain age her “stocks” become stagnant, then they start plummet at such a high velocity it would make you head spin. So our version of the fairy tale “they lived happily ever after” has to be adjusted. The older we become the more likely it is that the man we end up with has a higher possibility of having been married before or had one or two children. Your man may come with his own baggage (this is not to say someone your own age wouldn’t have their own issues too) however  life is not black and white sometimes we limit ourselves thinking that we need the perfect picture to create our perfect lives but life is what you make it. Sometimes you need to roll with the punches. Your dream for the fairy tale love and BS Disney feeds us as little girls becomes tainted or revised to the one of the career woman and her blended family…

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